It Is Possible
Healing from SI is something that
eludes many SI-ers. Just like an alcoholic may never be cured, a Self injurer
may never be cured. This DOES NOT mean that you can't stop hurting yourself, it
just means that you may continue to be tempted to hurt yourself throughout your
life. Don't be discouraged by this fact. As there are many alcoholics in
remission, there are many Self-injurers in remission. If you really want to
stop, you can. While it may be incredibly hard, it is possible.
The Decision
The most important thing to do in the
process of stopping is to firmly decide that you will stop once and for all.
Wanting to stop is not enough because there will be times where there
will be nothing you want more than to go back to it. There will be times
that you will be holding a knife or a match or what ever and desperately want to
hurt yourself. It is up to you to make the decision that you'll put it down and
walk away. You also must admit that you need help and be willing to accept it.
Beginning The Process
Once you've made the decision to
stop, you need to find some people to help you. First, find a trusted
individual, maybe a close friend, teacher, parent, etc, and tell them about your
SI and that you want to stop and need help. If you feel that you cannot tell
anyone you know, try to find a counselor to tell. Perhaps a school guidance
counselor or a professional therapist or a specialist for Self-injurers.
If you're telling a guidance
counselor or professional, they will be able to help you and talk to you and
help you form a support group. I don't know what they will tell you or want you
to do since I am not a counselor of any sort. I encourage you to work with your
counselor and talk with them about how to stop. The rest of this page will
mostly be for those who are telling someone they know, but feel free to keep
reading. Perhaps you can tell some of the ideas found here to your counselor.
If you can tell someone you know,
hopefully they will not react very badly, but be prepared for a range of
reactions. They could be very hurt and very angry or very sad or confused,
frustrated, any number of things. Talk to them, answer their questions. It will
be hard, but you will need a support group to help you and telling one person is
the beginning of getting one.
The Support Group
Once you've told your confident (and
they've agreed to help), you can decide where to go from there together. They
can help you decide who should be in your support group and how to tell them. In
your support group you should have people whom you can call whenever you need to
(including late at night and early morning), people who can come over when you
need them to, people who can go out with you or have you stay with them when you
need to get out of the house, people who will ask you every day about your
self-injury and help you with what ever else you need. You should have as many
people in your support group as you can (the more people you can rely on the
more chance you'll have of someone being there whenever you need them to be),
this doesn't mean you have to share all the details with everyone, but there
should be at least a couple of people who do know everything, so that they can
be you closest confidents.
Note to Younger SI-ers: You should
also have at least a few adults in your support group. People your own age may
not be able to handle or provide the amount of help you'll need. Don't get me
wrong, being able to talk to people your own age is a very good thing, but you
should have a couple adults to talk too.
Safety
You need to be "safe". This
means that as much of the stuff you use to hurt yourself needs to be removed
from your access. This can get difficult as some things such as scissors or an
oven, are rather necessary to daily life. So you should try to have at least one
room that is completely safe, where you can go when you need to get away from
the temptation to hurt yourself.
When The Urge Strikes
When you want to SI call one of your
confidents and avoid being alone. If you can't see or talk to someone in your
support group, go to a public area and do something. Surround yourself with
people. This can be hard if you can't drive yourself. If there isn't a way for
you to be around people, avoid doing things that could lead to hurting yourself.
Force yourself to do something else, and keep trying to get a hold of someone in
your support group. Remind yourself of your decision to stop and do your
best to not hurt yourself.
Alternatives
When you decide to stop SI-ing, make
a list of as many other things you can do instead as you can possibly think of.
For Example,
- Take a Bike Ride
- Paint a Picture
- Read
- Sleep
- Go to the Mall
- Talk to Friends
- Take the Dog for a Walk
Keep adding to this list every
time you think of something to do. You should also pick one or two hobbies to
start. Such as, learning to skate board or writing a book or learning gymnastics
or refurbishing antiques. Something new that you will have to spend a lot of
time on to get good at or finish. Pick a hobby that is safe and doesn't deal
with tempting objects (i.e. if you burn, don't choose baking as a hobby). Keep
your list of activities and hobbies in a place that you can get to any time you
need to. Keep one in your wallet or pocket, tape one to a mirror, on the fridge,
where ever. Every time you get the urge to hurt yourself, do as many things on
that list as you can possibly can, and if you run out of things to do, start
again or work on your hobby.
There is another group of
alternatives other than activities. I call them Fake SI Alternatives, or FSA for
short. Things that fit into this category include drawing with a red marker or
dripping food coloring on the areas of your body that you wish to hurt or doing
things that cause similar sensations to hurting yourself, such as squeezing ice
or putting you hand into cold water and then warm water. While these activities
may sometimes relieve the desire to SI, they may also increase it. I wouldn't
recommend doing these things. If you must, use them as a very last resort.
For More Ideas or more information of FSAs check out the "Alternatives
Page"
Relapses
Sometime during your journey to stop,
you are bound to have a relapse. Don't plan on relapsing, but be prepared for
one. Relapsing doesn't mean you've failed, it means you're human. If you've
relapsed, tell your support group immediately. Talk to them and recommit to your
decision to stop. Do what ever you have to to be able to move on, but do NOT
give up!
Bill Of Rights
If you haven't already, please read
the Self-injurer's Bill Of Rights, as you might come across some people in your
journey that would try to put you into a psychologist's care against your will
or have you hospitalized. In the vast majority of cases, this will have a
detrimental effect on your attempt to stop. If you feel the need to be
admitted to a hospital, you can voluntarily admit yourself. You need to know
your rights, so that if someone tries to violate them, you can put up a good
fight.
Scars
You will have scars from your SI,
emotional and physical scars. The physical scars are a little easier to deal
with than the emotional ones. There are products out there (patches, creams,
etc) that can reduce the appearance of scars. Also, swimming in chlorine pools
can help minimize their appearance. You may be very self conscious of your
scars, so swimming might pose a problem, so you can try to find a pool where
t-shirts and shorts are allowed in the water. If you don't have access to a pool
that allows them and you just cannot deal with having your scars exposed, you
could swim at a friends house or invest in a wetsuit, as I do not see any reason
a pool would disallow a wet suit. You could also get a snorkeling kit practice
in the pool. Then plan a trip to a great snorkeling site and put your practice
to use! That would give you a great excuse for the wet suit.
Be prepared for some questions
about your scars. If you do not want to tell someone what they are from,
politely tell them that you don't want to talk about it. If they keep asking,
nicely say that you are not going to tell them and then walk away or change the
topic of conversation. Talk with a friend or counselor about how you feel about
your scars.
The emotional scars that SI can
leave you with are harder to deal with. There is no cream or patch for them. No
one can see them, but they can see the effects of them. You need someone you can
talk to about the emotional effects of your self-injury. You also must realize,
that the healing processes is a slow one. You cannot expect to be fine the day
after or even the year after you decide to stop SI-ing. It's a big commitment,
but one that many people have found to be worth it.
Other Survivors
You may find it helpful to talk to a
fellow human being who has deal with self-injury. They will most likely
understand your struggles better than someone who has never dealt with the
desire to hurt their self. There are online message boards, threads, chats,
clubs, etc. that you can find for fellow survivors. You can also look for a
group of survivors in your area.
Personalize
You know, or at least have a good
idea on what you need to do to stop and I'm sure that the suggestions on this
page do not fit your case exactly. You don't have to do things exactly like I
said, perhaps you feel you need professional help in addition to personal help,
or perhaps you need closer supervision than I've talked about. So please, add or
take away to the ideas on this page to personalize them to your specific needs.
I hope this has help you in your journey in some way and I hope you are
successful in stopping your self-injury.
